All of Yesterday

Tempered by all of yesterday
And knowing now what I have seen,
I stand and face this creation;
This yellow thing with no bottom.

From atop my fragile cliff face,
Me tottering, feeling dizzy,
I witness gargantuan death
Wrought of steel and plastic.

We made this bare monstrosity.
Shorn circuits have imparted life.
An accident, scientists say.
An evil, my dead team mates cry.

Alone, I face this behemoth.
This Moloch driven by rank fire,
Burning human, blood, bone and souls.
Unstopped, I know it’s eternal.

And now I face my very end.
For I will descend into Hell.
And rip out a mechanic heart.
My death for all humanity.

For only I must perish here.
No more men and women will die.
A compensation for evil
I helped birth into this dead world.

- Matthew Sawyer

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Cthulhu Doesn’t Hate Me…

…well, not any more than he hates the rest of you.

Although, I admit I’ve been rude in making my introduction. I’d love to meet Lovecraft fans. I’d even love more if they’d recognize my literary contributions. Not to the Cthulhu mythos, but rather my parallel world inspired by HP Lovecraft and the categorization of his mythos driven by August Derlerth. I say that and I know I raise hackles – but what other legitimate fantasy have you diehard Lovecraft fans to get upset about? I offer you something to burn in your dying fires – a sacrifice to Moloch, perhaps?

I could be more professional. More patient. Yet I expect “they,” of anyone, can recognize the social awkwardness we all share. I speak specifically of us folks fond of archaic horror, theology, cosmology and myth. I’m not anti-social. Shy and wary about making new friends, yeah, but I’m truly open-minded. I’m open-hearted tempered by frustrated anger. Dammit, I can’t get into Lovecraftzine.

Like 99% of the blind publishers to which I’ve submitted my stories, Mr. Mike Davis at Lovecraftzine doesn’t bother to even return my messages. I thought the submission guidelines read I don’t necessarily need to adhere to the mythos. Yet it is obvious, the man wants pastiche – as defined by Lovecraft aficionado and horror author W. H. Pugmire. I need no more illustration than the video chats at Lovecraftzine. Those forums are populated with accomplished faces. I watch and feel unwelcome.

Yes, there are many authors with much mythos material, all better written and more evil and grandiose than I’ve mustered to date. They deserve publication, recognition and readers, too. I know I’m not special. Yet I am unique. We weird tales authors do draw upon the same sources – mainstream religions, Egyptian and Sumerian mythologies. Nevertheless, I am different. Anti-Pastiche? There is that prefix. I think that’s worthy some unholy recognition.

Whereas mainstream Lovecraftian authors propagate the ethos – and I merely make use of the conventional meaning of the word “mainstream,” I’m more subtle. I’m more insidious than Stephen King’s Yog-Sothoth graffiti found inside his novel The Stand. I substitute my own monsters and gods. You see, and I’ve mentioned ofttimes, I have sketchbooks I’ve kept since High School. They are my collective Necronomicon. Those books are the source of my recurring visions. What more real-world parallels do you readers not see? My Pazuzu Trilogy is the Cthulhu mythos reborn, reincarnated for the early 21st century. Yes, there are others but this is mine. It is worthy of your attention. Please, read me. All I need are twelve devotees and this story will rise from sands and spread across the world.

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Purchase Pazuzu Trilogy Pocket books and Hardcovers at LULU.

Now You Know Where You’re Going

In a previous post, I stated the Pazuzu Manifestation paperback at LULU was missing its page numbers. That’s been fixed. I’ve uploaded a new manuscript but I haven’t yet approved the book for the POD’s distribution lists. I don’t use them anyway. That means you can only be certain to get the latest physical copy of the book at LULU.  I’ll get around to making the approval and yet I’ve always told readers they should avoid copies other than those ebooks at Smashwords and physical books at LULU. The copies available from Google Books are especially in horrible conditions.

Stay away from Google. If you find yourself with a copy from the Search Giant before you, well, the first pages will announce the ebook’s revision number. My Pazuzu Trilogy is currently upon it’s Ninth revision. Actually, there are two separate manuscripts – the only difference between them is a tweaked Preface. The Pazuzu Manifestation paperback at LULU comes with the latest Preface. When I fixed the page numbers, I couldn’t resist tightening a few immediate screws.

All the alternative trade paperbacks at Createspace are also updated to the Ninth revision. That copy of Pazuzu Manifestation also includes the latest Preface. The paperbacks there at Createspace are cheaper but they’re not printed the format I prefer. If you’re a reader who really doesn’t care about the fact – or a collector – then they’re for you. Enjoy!

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Purchase Pazuzu Trilogy Pocket books and Hardcovers at LULU.

My Mom Says I Should Write About God Coming Back

Lovecraft fans hate me. I don’t why. Maybe it’s what I say… but we shouldn’t be haters. We’re brothers, man. We were both weaned on eldritch witchery and periodically return to the font of the unbaptized. For those who know, like Richard Upton Pickman, I pull monsters from my sketchbooks. My whole purpose for writing is to make my chimera live.

I apologize if you’ve read my shoddy previous revisions, but the trilogy is now upon its Ninth Revision. There’s a few known typos remaining and the Manifestation pocket book at LULU is missing page numbers, but the story is intact. The story has been whole since the Seventh Revision but I felt compelled to make improvements – and boy, has the story improved! I guess that’s not enough?

What’s the point of my story, the moral? There are no morals in my horror stories. They are abject lessons in horror. They are illustrations of what is possible when mankind turns it’s back to God. My monsters are alive because God has gone away. I spin grim stories about evil and helpless worlds.

Read my Pazuzu Trilogy and speculate where my inspirations have been drawn. It’s an epic story, folks, and it reads like lightning.

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Purchase Pazuzu Trilogy Pocket books and Hardcovers at LULU.

Why should you read my story? How to open the door into supernatural power…

Why should you read my story? I say it’s a fantasy-horror story and the reaction is immediately lukewarm. I’ve said it’s fiction about the 99% and the 1% – it’s about terrorists, the messiah and Armageddon and no one cares. I’ve even stated I’m renewing Dante’s Underworld tours and taking readers straight through the Hellmouth at Saint Erasmus and the reaction has been “Meh.” I just don’t think people understand my epic. You folks don’t “get it.”

Well, you’re breaking me down. I’m gonna run myself into ruin before my story sets fire in minds. Desperate, here’s yet another insight. It’s a woozy, a revelation even.

Here’s the secret – how to open the door into supernatural power. I can’t tell you specifically what power you will gain. That’s something for you to wish for. But all you have to do is listen to this track 58 times. It’s called The Exalted Pazuzu Trilogy. Listen while you read my Pazuzu Trilogy – all 55 chapters including the Preface, Interlude and Epilogue. You can listen to other things simultaneously, but keep this track playing in the background.

The Exalted Pazuzu Trilogy

You must finish each chapter within the 44 minutes of the track. If you can’t do that, then you need to improve your reading skills. And you’re in luck because this excerise will help, once you find the rhythm and you learn to pace your reading. So, not only do you have a way to open a door into the supernatural, but you’ve got yourself a training regiment. Either way you look at it, my Pazuzu Trilogy will expand your mind. Just keep your hands in the car.

The Exalted Pazuzu Trilogy is a heavily re-sampled, public domain recording of Bach’s Toccata and Fugue in D-Minor. The other sounds are built from samples in public domain or under Creative Commons Attribution 3.0. Those samples are hosted at Sound Bible.

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Purchase Pazuzu Trilogy Pocket books and Hardcovers at LULU.