Posts Tagged ‘heathen’

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Sell Your Soul

November 9, 2012

What do I have to do,
Make a sacrifice of you?

Tow you up
The luxated stone steps
Of the Aztlan pyramid?

Carve your core
And roll your heartless corpse
Down a felled and lost stairway?

This I’ll do
And I will soon rejoice
In wicked, rabid lather.

And wallow
From the dark and into
Infamous condemnation.

This I’ll do
For your unfastening
Will make me an immortal.

The prize of
Your due disassembly
Will make me whole and reborn.

Visceral,
This act will recover
Primal masculinity.

I’ll reclaim
Forewent testosterone.
For you have stolen promise.

Spoilt renown,
Forfeit to animus,
You have tilted our balance.

For your own
Sake and sole wholesomeness
I’ve been made inconclusive.

To honor
The principle of Tao,
Requires unwholesome measure.


Matthew Sawyer's Pazuzu Trilogy

Purchase Pazuzu Trilogy Pocket books and Hardcovers at LULU.

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Gaunt Snippet

October 28, 2012

I’m two-thirds complete with the sixth revision of Gaunt Rainbow and have revisited an especially delicious scene. Pamela (AKA Rainbow) has already encountered monsters. Pazuzu now comes to solicit her help. Yep, Pazuzu is in this one too. Dil Cortras is also here. And so is a reincarnated Josiah Ioannu. If I was Kurt Vonnegut, I’d put this stuff right at the beginning…

PS – here’s a little ambiance …

Gaunt Rainbow – Atmosphere

The overhead sun casts squat shadows leaning slightly toward Pamela’s right – though not the shallow pond shed by her messiah. His shade remains fixed in its shallow puddle. The dormant shadow pools on top of his feet. Its dark intensity makes him appear as if he’s sunk up to his ankles.

She gathers an odd perception of his amorphous cast. Its darkness seems alive, like an extension of himself or simply another arm. But, even this observation was too specific. The shadow behaves more as fat stored in a lizard’s tail, or the overfill of a soul inside a body too small.

“There is a war in heaven,” he tells her. “Hell has consumed this world. You have seen the demons who linger. The time has come to send everyone into oblivion and start again.”

“You’re destroying this world?”

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I’m not done yet, but I’m on track to have this revision finished before November. After this, I’ve got to got re-shingle Debbie’s Hellmouth. The holes in her roof need to get patched.

Best Gaunt Rainbow Animated Gif

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Revision Pending

October 26, 2012

In consequence to the changes I’ve made to names and the setting in my Pazuzu Trilogy, I am forced to revisit Gaunt Rainbow. She’s a progeny of the trilogy. I don’t feel it’s appropriate to call Gaunt Rainbow a sequel, but rather a continuation of the bleak horror woven within the Shur desert. The story is also more mainstream with a genuine hero – a female protagonist – and a traditional tale about personal relationships. Of course, it’s twisted because the narrative unfolds in the post holy war Shur and alien gods still consume its dead. Nevertheless, those details are secondary. Gaunt Rainbow is Pamela’s story.

Pamela - AKA Rainbow

The sixth revision isn’t yet finished. I hope it’s complete by the second week in November. Whereas reading the Pazuzu Trilogy isn’t necessary to enjoy Gaunt Rainbow, having read the epic does make its progeny richer – and savvy readers will appreciate the irony of my choice of words used in this self review, I hope.

Gaunt Rainbow by Matthew Sawyer

The fifth revision is still available but honestly, I don’t know what I was thinking. The second chapter is especially hairy – with Pamela’s recollection of a death dream that shatters grammatical tense beyond my typical amateurish pummeling. I’m working on that, you critics. Be kind – heck, be supportive – I am getting better. That’s why there have been so many rewrites. I’m teaching myself because Lord knows, I’m not getting any help. Then again, my horror stories all revolve around the premise there is no God. And if I was a superstitious man, I’d say it’s why my whole fruitless effort toward becoming a published author is cursed.

Hang in there all you faithful readers, wherever and whomever you may be. We’ll all eventually get fed. And when I’m rich and famous, we’ll escape the waste. And we won’t continue trips back to my fictionalized hometown. That place is hardly better than my hopeless desert dystopia.

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Wasted… Not Ever Again

October 22, 2012

 

Though I had been quite happy with the Ninth revision of my Pazuzu Trilogy, I needed to make a distinction from its immediate predecessor The Waste and my liberally-politicized Dubya's Apocalypse. The twelve revision does that and my writing this story is done. I'm not coming back. I'm not writing this tale again.  Having completed the twelve revision of my Pazuzu Trilogy – the wasted revision – I'm glad I put in the work. My alter ego had gone too far. And alas, he did not go far enough. Incorporating the most successful changes, I had discovered plenty of bugs. Their squashed. This last revision will soon spread across my distribution channels – eager readers can already visit Lulu and Smashwords and purchase copies.

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Those Seeking God Will Find God

September 18, 2012

Those seeking God will find God. The proclamation is true and rather unfulfilling. More often than not, petitioners must abandon hope and expectations. They must remain satisfied with what they are told they are unable to gain. Such had been the purpose of organized religion upon conception. These power structures had been grown to placate populations and render people docile – inert. These structures still exist and they grant control of multitudes upon a sorted and sometimes undeserved few, despite the “good” purportedly attained for all and the subjected individual.

Yet inevitably, there have been and are always those common subjects whom awake with large appetites. Indeed, some are never lulled into sleep. Those great minds make discoveries and inform the world. In this age, science slowly disinvest the authority of religion but tolerates a god of gaps. These shadows are where prosperity religions and fallacy pray upon the disenfranchised. Anyone still advertising miracles and unrequited love merely dictate their own branded and often copyrighted recourse. Their own transfixed supporters enable these chosen charlatans.

In truth, the only shadow that truly remains is death – or specifically what happens afterward. In this last instance, the ignorant are promised eternity and immortality. Here, theists are made content opposed everyone else still looking for answers. And those whom are godless and yet ask questions often find education. I bolster educating oneself. The only reason there are few exceptional students is there are so few exceptional teachers. Unfortunate for those seeking scapegoats, educators are blameless. As with the great bulk of humanity, they are possibly blinded by socially-condoned maladjustment or circumstance. Each person has only oneself. And in that and by inherent birthright, every human being is full of immense promise and possibility.

Satanism begins with the correct assumption – there is no tangible Creator. Then its practice goes a wrong direction and substitutes its own religion. It is no different than both established and modern-day cults, except in being their identical progenitor. The same is true of ancient and revived, mutant paganism (IE Wicca). As with mainstream religions, these spiritual paths are full of disarming rituals and selfish hedonism. All are distraction against reality. There is no magic. Empowerment in believing so is temporal and fleeting – held at bay with drugs and masturbation in all the incarnations of these two distractions.

The reality is that competent seekers of spirituality find nothing after death because there is nothing. It is a truth denied. Upon death, you’re done. Huge panoramas are painted before this obvious fact. To insist otherwise perpetuates the religiously-manufactured childhood delusion of Santa Claus waiting for every grown, dead child with the big present of eternity. That forever may entail a burning chunk of coal. Sadistic charlatans especially perpetuate that vague myth of Hell. In the course of losing debates, it is the last argument they make after constructing and tearing down straw men throughout narrow, one-sided arguments. Parables of fire and brimstone presages vanquishing more informed foes one ad hominem at a time.

When one dies, there is no more argument. Nothing remains because the only path for each of our minds is oblivion. And how fitting that is the last word. The purpose of life is what one ascribes. And many of the perpetually dying waste the opportunity because each awaits a whole lifetime upon a more ideal existence. Unscrupulous pretenders promise such and are paid for their fallacious conciliation.

Egyptian pharaohs and kings made the right assumption – each individual must ensure his or her own continued existence. How American that concept is! The Confederacy would have thought so – those folks beneath the historic Mason-Dixon line had conscripted Egyptian symbolism opposed to the post-Classical Grecian ornamentation of the Union. And in this Age, we know it is not the body or the soul that can be made eternal. It is memory.

Most people generate families – a husband and wife drop kids into this turbulent and expiring world. And this is a traditional means to ensure one’s continued existence. Not me, I have no children. I have nephews and nieces but am I detached. I can’t know they will remember me. I am insignificant in their worlds and my own is full of monsters and wickedness. These elements shape my passions. At some point, I’m sure they had been fostered to drive people away, but like all living things, they have grown. Knowing such, I don’t extend invitations.

Instead, I attempted to construct my eternal tomb within museums. Then learning the futility of my effort and knowing what remains of my paintings now hang in basements and lie in attics, I stopped creating images. I had never been satisfied with my visual artwork so my preparations ceased with nary a whimper. Yet alive and apparently unready to die, I still willed to impart life into my creations. Arming that compulsion, and upon anthropomorphism, such restlessness became my muse. I write. Although my Pazuzu Trilogy had been quite heinous at birth, the story is my first born. I’ve given it an excess of care and have even sprung the money for ‘special education.’ I refer to the Llumina Press Second Revision publication, but since, my story has outgrown that brace nine times over. It carries my name and I still strive to ensure this child’s immortality. This and my other offspring are my memory. Although, they need readers. Lest, they too will pass with me into nothingness.


Matthew Sawyer's Pazuzu Trilogy

Purchase Pazuzu Trilogy Pocket books and Hardcovers at LULU.

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