“You are wherever your hips are.”
“You go wherever your head goes.”
“This is the same for your opponent.”
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Teach All Dogs Not to Bite
October 19, 2017So, your child comes and tells you, “A dog bit me.”
You say, “Which dog?”
And the kid tells you, “I don’t want to say. It happened a while ago.”
And as a parent, you insist the child show you where they were bitten. But your child won’t let you see. Instead, they cry, “Oh, no, what if it has rabies?”
Then as an adult, you shout, “We have to know which dog bit you. What if it bites others? Let me see. Did it really bite you?”
Still, your kid refuses to cooperate. “I’m okay, now,” they claim. “We should teach all dogs not to bite.”
Later that night, your kid asks you, “Does rabies make it hard to sleep? Can I watch TV a little longer? I was bit by a dog.”
A Possible Credo
October 16, 2017I do believe in the Republican goal of fiscal responsibility, but even if I were a single-issue voter I could not call myself a Republican anymore than I can say I am a feminist. There are radical elements to those positions I believe will harm society. I will support that in no way. “That’s not what feminism is all about,” I have heard argued. Well, white nationalism wasn’t a part of the Republican party either, at first.
I stand apart and say I am a Democrat who promotes egalitarianism and moderation. If we will suffer identity politics forced upon us by fringe groups, let it be about who will argue ideals – which happen to be us all.
— Matthew Sawyer
Fumigator of Souls
October 15, 2017My neighbor behind me is a slob, Exterminators have told me so much. The man never cleans his apartment. His place is infested with bugs. My bathroom and his kitchen share the plumbing and the east wall. Cockroaches come through the plaster and between wooden beams. They squeeze under un-stuck caulk and into my bathtub.
When they stare up at me, each pressing themselves up onto a slanted, six-legged stance, I sometimes think, “If reincarnation were true, and there was a karma that only the sacrifice of life satisfies, I think they beg me for death.”
Sure, a last surge of self-preservation overcomes them all before each are squashed, but they go to a better life, I suppose. If it all were true, I make believe I satisfy karma in acting as their executioner. And as an atheist, I have no concern for an afterlife of my own. In my time on earth, I become a remorseless fumigator of souls.
These Harvey Weinstein Days
October 15, 2017Something we should keep in perspective during these Harvey Weinstein days…
Per Google’s dictionary definition, sexual harassment is “harassment (typically of a woman) in a workplace, or other professional or social situation, involving the making of unwanted sexual advances or obscene remarks.”
Per a 21st century Radical Feminist, sexual harassment is a circumcision. A right of passage. And as a radical feminist, it’s not if a woman is raped, it is when. And that rape can be as significant as her male co-worker accidentally sipping from her coffee mug at work. A woman these days needs the merit badge in order to call herself a true feminist.
I’m not defending Harvey, I’m telling you that pretenders will come out of the far left to advance a radical feminist agenda. One in which women wholly replace male leaders in governing bodies, despite qualification. I think the exact quote made by feminist employers is, “I hired her, because as a woman, she is infinitely qualified for any position occupied by a man.”
How the Gospels Were Written
September 22, 2017Plagiarized strictly for the review and criticism of others from the song, ‘Anything You Can Do’ by Irving Berlin
[1st refrain:]
[Early Christian:] Anything your gods can do, mine can do better
Mine can do anything better than yours
[Pagan:] No, your god can’t
[Early Christian:] Yes, He can
[Pagan:] No, your god can’t
[Early Christian:] Yes, He can
[Pagan:] No, your god can’t
[Early Christian:] Yes, He can! Yes, He can!
[Pagan:] Anything your god can be, mine can be greater
Sooner or later mine are greater than yours
[Early Christian:] No, they’re not
[Pagan:] Yes, they are
[Early Christian:] The First Commandment
[Pagan:] Baal is great
[Early Christian:] There is one God
[Pagan:] Praise to Allah and Odin and Thor
[Pagan:] Mine can heal blindness at the Pool of Bethesda
[Early Christian:] Mine can heal blindness with mud in the eye
[Pagan:] Mine can turn water into wine
[Early Christian:] In a clay pot?
[Pagan:] Yes
[Early Christian:] Simon Magnus can do that.
[Pagan:] Can your god rain down manna from heaven
[Early Christian:] Mine can multiply fishes and loaves
[Pagan:] With only five loaves?
[Early Christian:] He’ll feed 5,000
[Pagan:] And only two fish?
[Early Christian:] And the fish can be small
[Pagan:] No, your god can’t
[Early Christian:] Yes, He can
[Pagan:] No, your god can’t
[Early Christian:] Yes, He did
[Pagan:] Is he dead?
[Early Christian:] He died on a cross
A Reminder: Halloween is Coming!
September 22, 2017There is a cemetery I know that has a clubhouse. A clubhouse, with a bar and a restaurant, like a golf course. Arcadia Green, it’s called. The clubhouse is cryptically called Gothic. The place is open to the public after six. A placard in the ceiling-to-floor window list its hours of operations until midnight, everyday except Sunday. I was there for a friend. It was his birthday. He has always enjoyed arcane places.
He went outside to smoke, as that was the law in this state. I stayed inside because I don’t. The only other person I talked to went to the restroom , so I fell into an old habit of eavesdropping. There is a couple in a booth next to our own group’s, which was in an unlit corner. The windows about us were solid dark. There are no clocks, but it is obvious the day was well past sundown.
“I lived in Los Angeles for a while, too much sun,” the young, casually adorned man said to an anxious woman. He sounded as if he made an introduction. I had the impression they were probably on a first date. Although I was not watching the couple, I did glimpse them and saw they were not sitting close.
She tells him something curiously believable. “To be honest,” she said, “Men used to chase me when I was younger. I got wise with age and I now stick close to home, deal with what I know.”
Their conversation abruptly ended. I didn’t look, but when I had glimpsed, I did see them examining menus. Their menus were not the same as our own, but we were a special occasion.
“I don’t want kids,” the young man stated with uncertainty. He sounded as if he yet contemplated his future.
“What? Why?” his date inquired. She sounded surprised instead of disappointed or dejected.
He tells her, “I don’t like how they scream when you bite into them.”
“But that’s the best part,” she told him.
Halloween is coming!
