How the Gospels Were Written

Plagiarized strictly for the review and criticism of others from the song, ‘Anything You Can Do’ by Irving Berlin

[1st refrain:]
[Early Christian:] Anything your gods can do, mine can do better
Mine can do anything better than yours
[Pagan:] No, your god can’t
[Early Christian:] Yes, He can
[Pagan:] No, your god can’t
[Early Christian:] Yes, He can
[Pagan:] No, your god can’t
[Early Christian:] Yes, He can! Yes, He can!

[Pagan:] Anything your god can be, mine can be greater
Sooner or later mine are greater than yours
[Early Christian:] No, they’re not
[Pagan:] Yes, they are
[Early Christian:] The First Commandment
[Pagan:] Baal is great
[Early Christian:] There is one God
[Pagan:] Praise to Allah and Odin and Thor

[Pagan:] Mine can heal blindness at the Pool of Bethesda
[Early Christian:] Mine can heal blindness with mud in the eye
[Pagan:] Mine can turn water into wine
[Early Christian:] In a clay pot?
[Pagan:] Yes
[Early Christian:] Simon Magnus can do that.

[Pagan:] Can your god rain down manna from heaven
[Early Christian:] Mine can multiply fishes and loaves
[Pagan:] With only five loaves?
[Early Christian:] He’ll feed 5,000
[Pagan:] And only two fish?
[Early Christian:] And the fish can be small
[Pagan:] No, your god can’t
[Early Christian:] Yes, He can
[Pagan:] No, your god can’t
[Early Christian:] Yes, He did
[Pagan:] Is he dead?
[Early Christian:] He died on a cross

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A Reminder: Halloween is Coming!

There is a cemetery I know that has a clubhouse. A clubhouse, with a bar and a restaurant, like a golf course. Arcadia Green, it’s called. The clubhouse is cryptically called Gothic. The place is open to the public after six. A placard in the ceiling-to-floor window list its hours of operations until midnight, everyday except Sunday. I was there for a friend. It was his birthday. He has always enjoyed arcane places.

He went outside to smoke, as that was the law in this state. I stayed inside because I don’t. The only other person I talked to went to the restroom , so I fell into an old habit of eavesdropping. There is a couple in a booth next to our own group’s, which was in an unlit corner. The windows about us were solid dark. There are no clocks, but it is obvious the day was well past sundown.

“I lived in Los Angeles for a while, too much sun,” the young, casually adorned man said to an anxious woman. He sounded as if he made an introduction. I had the impression they were probably on a first date. Although I was not watching the couple, I did glimpse them and saw they were not sitting close.

She tells him something curiously believable. “To be honest,” she said, “Men used to chase me when I was younger. I got wise with age and I now stick close to home, deal with what I know.”

Their conversation abruptly ended. I didn’t look, but when I had glimpsed, I did see them examining menus. Their menus were not the same as our own, but we were a special occasion.

“I don’t want kids,” the young man stated with uncertainty. He sounded as if he yet contemplated his future.

“What? Why?” his date inquired. She sounded surprised instead of disappointed or dejected.

He tells her, “I don’t like how they scream when you bite into them.”

“But that’s the best part,” she told him.

 

Halloween is coming!

 

The Bother With Civil War Monuments

The Waste – Third Revision of a Vision

Dear Reader,

A word from the author…

Readers hate this story. And if you are one of those critics driven to warn others, you might as well copy and paste any of the following:

“How many false starts does this book have?”

“Tons of grammar mistakes and incomplete sentences.”

“Is English even his natural language?”

I am saying, if you’re a persnickety nag, you will loathe my writing. And you will miss everything I have to tell, because, who else can speak for me?

I persist regardless the persecution! Here I am, and I insist The Waste is an epic story. Well, anti-epic; it’s tragically adventurous. What is here is a novice’s effort to create a story on the scale of J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings or Stephen King’s The Stand. But my tale is different. There is no good versus evil. Everyone here is an un-redeemed sinner. There is only evil in this desert world called the Shur. God is gone, and that has left an opening for demons and alien gods to fill that void.

That supernatural struggle is reflected in the religion and the very same absent god of two theocratic combatants. A demon plays these factions against each other. That is probably where readers complained about encountering false starts in my story – you are meant to follow a demon and not any tangible character through the books. I meant the original titles – Pazuzu Book One published by Llumina Press and my self-published Pazuzu Trilogy – to reflect my intention.

The Waste is actually in its third revision. I self-published the thick volumes twice under my pseudonym, Mr. Binger. The Waste is a two volume edition of what I wanted the book published by Llumina Press to be. The out-of-print Pazuzu Book One, though, only told half the story, and people weren’t buying it. That brought an end to hiring a professional proofreader. All we have got is a Libreoffice spell-checker. I hope readers have seen through the multiple revisions and incarnations of the story, I do correct typos as I go.

The Waste is always the uncensored pinnacle of the story. Whereas, a single novel would easily tell the tale, I always imagined two volumes. Just like the New Testament, there are two parts – a resurrection and an apocalypse. The trilogy split the story into three suggestively titled books – Manifestation, Emergence and the meaningless Abeyance – but that did undermine the whole idea to revise Christianity. The Waste, Book One and Book Two, is what readers should have got. — Matthew Sawyer

Hardcover books are now available from Matthew Sawyer’s Storefront at Lulu.com.

Cheaper paperbacks and ebooks will be available from Amazon soon.

A Consequence of Reflection

Who is more dangerous to you as an American citizen?

A president who lied to Congress about an extramarital affair.

– or –

A president who lies to America about colluding with an enemy state.

Where Does The Doctor Go When You Close Your Eyes?

Christmas is an awful wait in July; especially this July, in a world of fake media and alternative facts. Where will people turn their attention until the holiday episode of Doctor Who? Fortunately, for those fans who are not hypnotized by canon, we have here a slide show of alternative Doctor Who adventures. Any fan might use their own imagination and explore where the Doctor might journey as his current companion sleeps… here is one series from out of parallel worlds.

A Life Without Fear or Guilt

I don’t have kids, but I’ve recently thought how to talk to them. As a childless adult, I’ve forgotten how. I think the best approach is just to be honest and frank… about religion, politics and death.

I’d start and say, “You’re probably going to die. I mean everyone dies. In your lifetime, doctors and scientists may find a way to prolong life, stumble upon immortality, yet, even then, what we know is that means more pain from wear, tear and disease. What kind of life would you have once everyone you’ve known, your family and friends, your pets and heroes, have all passed away? You will want to die, and that is a sad state of existence. It’s often easiest to just be done with it all. Death is a blessing in disguise. But who wants to die when they are young and they have so many wants… to do, to go, to see? Live life to it’s fullest.”

“And a full life is led without fear Sure, fear is good – you don’t want to get bit by a dog (or any animal or person), you don’t want to fall and break a bone. You don’t want a life of pain, but then again, how bad could it be? There’s only one way to find out, but fear will stifle curiosity – and the pleasure of curiosity is always the one thing that will keep your will alive. Don’t be afraid.”

Fear will led to anger and guilt and convince you to believe in things that are not true. And to believe and act upon things that are not true only brings pain to others and yourself. And by yourself, I mean guilt. Guilt for things you’ve done or not done will come with you throughout life, it gets heavy as you get old.

Guilt is the one pain you want to always avoid, because it often won’t just go away. Sure, you might forget about it for awhile, but it’s still there and only grows. It’s that weight you can’t throw off in old age, especially after everyone but you have died.

Live without fear and avoid guilt… I mean, don’t just ignore it, guilt that is, kill it with kindness – love for others and yourself. Love curiosity and satisfy your cravings. Share what joys you find with others. Share the joy of a fearless life without guilt with everyone you know, because, as I’ve said, we all die and there will come a day when you don’t want to be alone.