Archive for the ‘1’ Category

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One President to Another

February 9, 2019

etuputin

Ex-president George W Bush calls the White House and  he warns president Trump. Always, W sounds chipper. George tells Donald, “I suppose, mr president, you can plea for asylum in N Korea.”

“I’m not sure Putin will come through for you. If you look into his eyes, you can see the devil. Oh, that Satan is beautiful, isn’t he? Made of Gold! He looks like God.”

 

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The Presidential ‘Draw A Line’ Test

December 9, 2018

favorites

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God’s Grand Plan

November 19, 2018

God to white supremacist, “We have a problem. See, we have too many bodies and not enough souls.”

Supremacist, “Huh?”


“I’m not wasting bodies,” God replied. “That’s like throwing away ripe fruit before the expiration date. That’s soon, BTW; Judgement day, your expiration date.”


Supremacist, “I don’t know what you want me to do.”


“I have a plan,” God assures the middle-aged Caucasian man, “Reincarnation, recycling. I’ll just put you into a new body. You know, one that doesn’t have a soul.”


Worried, the supremacist wonders, “A black man? You want me to be a black man?”


“A black woman,” God answered in the interest of being exact.

— Matthew Sawyer

 

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Rated for 18+ in Russia

September 20, 2018

This hurricane season, spend the day playing the president’s favorite video game…

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More of the Mortui Philosophies

June 18, 2018

 

 Mortui Philosophies

“The spawned element,
Rudra*,  consumed
The Living Darkness”

“Rudra uncovered the Light
Rudra gave the Darkness
To his Mother and Father
This was a gift.”

“These elements consumed
All the Darkness.
And gave birth to life.”

“The Elements gave
Life to us.”

“Then the Darkness was gone.
And our Mother and Father
Consumed their children.”

“The elements then birthed
Monsters.”

The Mortui Philosophies
The sketchbooks of the author
Matthew Sawyer

(BTW- that is Rudra’s brother, Awaran, who is speaking)

Images and music composed by Matthew Sawyer
All rights reserved

The horrible fiction of Matthew Sawyer is available for purchase from Lulu.com

Ebooks available from Smashwords.com

 

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Lessons Young Fighting Men Learn

June 6, 2018

“Right, men, put down your whack-a-daddy artificial p*ssies and take that hill.”

“Sergeant, I don’t have an artificial p*ssy.”

“That’s it, boy, we’re all brave men today.”

“No, I mean I didn’t get one.”

“Well, if you wanted someone to just give you a p*ssy, you should have volunteered at an animal shelter. You gotta get your own, son.”

 

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The Bee and Gun Argument

May 7, 2018

Many Internet click-bait headlines themselves tell the story. It is probably best to read the article, yet, I am content that I understand the narrative. For instance, I encountered the headline, “How Moving Your Grass Less Can Save The Bees.” Without a single click, I concluded, “Of course, the whole idea is like that argument about the abundance of firearms in America.”

“If everyone mowed their lawns half as often, fewer bees will be involved in fatal lawnmower accidents.”

“Fewer bees, who seek only to rest upon a blade of grass and enjoy the few warm bright days of their lives, will be halved by searing hot, grass-stained metal blades.”

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