Archive for the ‘Donald Trump’ Category

h1

Remember Independence Day!

July 4, 2018

fourth2018

Advertisements
h1

God’s Lesson in Responsible Parenting

June 18, 2018

So, if an American citizen with a child is caught breaking a law, that citizen is separated from their child…

And that child usually then stays with a relative.

But if that child is an illegal immigrant or a refugee, he or she goes to live in a dog kennel or a chicken coop.

 

h1

President Trump Sings Marching Off To War

April 7, 2018

 

(fiction by Matthew Sawyer)

In fear of losing the support of his Evangelical conservative base, President Trump implores paid attendants at another of his more frequent Nuremberg rallies. He tells the audience, “Remember that old song from church – Onward Christian Soldiers?”

“You heard of that, right? That old song?”

“Onward Christian soldiers marching off to war… I’m not singing it. You can if you want.”

No one does sing, as those who think they know the lyrics were often uncertain of their own memory. The president smiles while pressing his lips together. He drones, “That was great. You heard of that, right?”

“What a beautiful song. People should listen to more songs like  that instead of watching the fake media.”

“Fake news.”

“Don’t listen to them, go to church instead.”

Some in the audience applaud; although, most who do so await a paycheck at the conclusion of this commonly spontaneous event.

“Onward Christian soldiers…”

“We should sing that song the next time we have a war.”

More than those just getting paid clap their hands. This encourages one fellow waiting for his money to issue a, “Whoop!”

The encouragement cues President Trump to say, “We need a war so we can sing that song.”

“What do you think?”

“China? Syria? North Korea?”

“Russia? No, not them.”

“Vlad is our friend.”

“Hillary sold uranium to Russia,” President Trump repeated. “Do you remember that?”

“Vlad knows the guy she sold it to.”

 

 

h1

Administrative Priorities

March 30, 2018

brner-s

h1

The Incestual Search for White House Lawyers

March 28, 2018

trumpnulawyer

h1

Poison Help!

March 25, 2018

mr-yuk-trump

h1

A Progressive Girl and a Snake

February 24, 2018

I have heard this “classic” American folk story too many times. The first time I heard ‘Girl and the Snake’, by the way, was in a church service. I was about ten. Back then, I chuckled because I was a sadistic child and because everyone laughed. But I have grown, I got myself educated. And so, too, has the innuendo of the cruel tale gotten old. It now has fangs, thanks to America’s Pretender-Of-The-United-States. Because of this liar, the country is all a shame. Since I am now a responsible adult, I take it upon myself to renovate an ugly and stale yarn. Voters, themselves, in 2018 and 2020 will have to restore honor to our nation. – Matthew Sawyer (AKA Mr. Binger)

 

A Progressive Girl and a Snake

A college-educated Black woman walks to her grandmother’s home and she hears leaves rustle beside her foot. Before she jumps away, a snake speaks her. It’s thoughts fill her head with a southern drawl of American English. The reptile says, “Help me, it’s so cold. I will freeze to death”

“It’s not that cold,” the girl inadvertently replied aloud. She was not, at first, willing to play games nor be suckered into a practical joke. Everything seemed too real. The diamond-shaped pattern on it’s skin suggested this was a rattlesnake.

Remembering scripture the young lady had put aside long ago with all childish things, she tells the snake, “The only talking reptile I know about is the devil in the Bible. I don’t believe in all of that.”

“Anyway, you’re lips aren’t moving – just that pointy little tongue. You’re talking to me in my head.”

“You might be hallucinating,” replied the snake.

She tells it, “I don’t use drugs.”

“Maybe, I’m a scientific experiment,” answered the snake. “I am the genetically enhanced step in evolution.”

“All right,” said the girl. “I suppose someone is looking for you.”

“That, too,” the snake shouted with thoughts. “Please, take me with you. I’m in trouble for my life. They want to perform experiments on me!”

“All right,” she said yet reluctant. “I’m, uh, gonna use a stick and pick you up. I don’t want to get bit.”

“That’s fair, I understand,” the snake pretended to say. Carried along as if resting on tree branch, the snake tells the girl, “Thank you, you are my first human friend. I promise I would never bite you.”

“Don’t say things like that,” she said to the snake. “That’s just a lie.”

“Where are you taking me?” suddenly wondered the snake. The reptile shivered in discomfort that was not related to the weather.

“I gonna show you to my friends. Maybe, we can put some corks on your fangs.”

“What?” shouted the snake which now squirmed.

“We can’t cut them off,” promised the grinning girl. “That would be cruel. Nah, I’m just kidding.”

“I hope so,” pleaded the snake. “Will you still help me hide from the government?”

“Sure,” she said, “But there has got to be some changes.”

The snake wonders, “Like what?”

“If we’re going to be friends,” said the girl, “There are going to be conditions. I’m no fool. I’ll have to build up an immunity to your venom – not poison, so you know: I know the difference. We need an anti-venom. Hey, maybe we can sell your venom to a laboratory and make money.”

The snake tells the girl, “You sound smart.”

She tells it, “I am, just don’t bite anybody I don’t want you to.”

“Where would you be without me? A talking snake? You would be dead if I didn’t come around. Welcome to my world. We now have something called a social contract. Do you understand what that is?”

The snake asks her, “Tell me.”

“It means,” she says, “We have an unspoken commitment to cooperate with each other and make the world a better place. It means we don’t hurt each other. That’s how a civilized society works – if you have the capacity for speech, surely, you must understand that concept. Language is what separates us from just being animals.”

Then, to the snake, it seemed universal truth became revealed. The animal achieves enlightenment. It’s conscious fully awakes. “Yes,” it said. “It is so plain, it does not require hallucinogenics to see. I am more than my mere nature.”

That is when the snake and the progressive girl became friends. And they were bounded to each other all their lives, which was short on account snakes live only twenty years and this one had been mutilated at the cellular level with unthinkable modifications. And, oh yes, that snake did bite the brave girl, but when that happened, she was already immune.

END

%d bloggers like this: