Posts Tagged ‘2018’

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Morning Today

September 17, 2018

It’s six AM, the sun has not yet crested Mt Gleason, and Sunland is still in shadow. A gray sedan, possibly a Honda in this light, turns into the parking lot the same time a beeping garbage trucks backs up, into the lot of an adjacent nursing home.

That sedan stops in front of my apartment and some guy steps out. He carries a limp garbage bag. Something of some heft possesses the package with gravity. The contents in the transparent bag are as blurred by shadow as the face the dark-haired stranger.

That bag goes dropped like a pendulum loosed from its pivot in front a new neighbor’s SUV. I don’t know these neighbors nor the man with the gray sedan. I have merely spied all of them at given opportunities. He then spotted me as I seldom disguise myself.

The man returns to the front of the neighbor’s vehicle and retrieves his litter. I assume litter because there exists a low brick wall between my apartment building and the parking lot. Even in dawn, the plastic bag remains concealed. Then all vanishes moments before daylight when the gray sedan goes driven away.

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The Bee and Gun Argument

May 7, 2018

Many Internet click-bait headlines themselves tell the story. It is probably best to read the article, yet, I am content that I understand the narrative. For instance, I encountered the headline, “How Moving Your Grass Less Can Save The Bees.” Without a single click, I concluded, “Of course, the whole idea is like that argument about the abundance of firearms in America.”

“If everyone mowed their lawns half as often, fewer bees will be involved in fatal lawnmower accidents.”

“Fewer bees, who seek only to rest upon a blade of grass and enjoy the few warm bright days of their lives, will be halved by searing hot, grass-stained metal blades.”

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A Progressive Girl and a Snake

February 24, 2018

I have heard this “classic” American folk story too many times. The first time I heard ‘Girl and the Snake’, by the way, was in a church service. I was about ten. Back then, I chuckled because I was a sadistic child and because everyone laughed. But I have grown, I got myself educated. And so, too, has the innuendo of the cruel tale gotten old. It now has fangs, thanks to America’s Pretender-Of-The-United-States. Because of this liar, the country is all a shame. Since I am now a responsible adult, I take it upon myself to renovate an ugly and stale yarn. Voters, themselves, in 2018 and 2020 will have to restore honor to our nation. – Matthew Sawyer (AKA Mr. Binger)

 

A Progressive Girl and a Snake

A college-educated Black woman walks to her grandmother’s home and she hears leaves rustle beside her foot. Before she jumps away, a snake speaks her. It’s thoughts fill her head with a southern drawl of American English. The reptile says, “Help me, it’s so cold. I will freeze to death”

“It’s not that cold,” the girl inadvertently replied aloud. She was not, at first, willing to play games nor be suckered into a practical joke. Everything seemed too real. The diamond-shaped pattern on it’s skin suggested this was a rattlesnake.

Remembering scripture the young lady had put aside long ago with all childish things, she tells the snake, “The only talking reptile I know about is the devil in the Bible. I don’t believe in all of that.”

“Anyway, you’re lips aren’t moving – just that pointy little tongue. You’re talking to me in my head.”

“You might be hallucinating,” replied the snake.

She tells it, “I don’t use drugs.”

“Maybe, I’m a scientific experiment,” answered the snake. “I am the genetically enhanced step in evolution.”

“All right,” said the girl. “I suppose someone is looking for you.”

“That, too,” the snake shouted with thoughts. “Please, take me with you. I’m in trouble for my life. They want to perform experiments on me!”

“All right,” she said yet reluctant. “I’m, uh, gonna use a stick and pick you up. I don’t want to get bit.”

“That’s fair, I understand,” the snake pretended to say. Carried along as if resting on tree branch, the snake tells the girl, “Thank you, you are my first human friend. I promise I would never bite you.”

“Don’t say things like that,” she said to the snake. “That’s just a lie.”

“Where are you taking me?” suddenly wondered the snake. The reptile shivered in discomfort that was not related to the weather.

“I gonna show you to my friends. Maybe, we can put some corks on your fangs.”

“What?” shouted the snake which now squirmed.

“We can’t cut them off,” promised the grinning girl. “That would be cruel. Nah, I’m just kidding.”

“I hope so,” pleaded the snake. “Will you still help me hide from the government?”

“Sure,” she said, “But there has got to be some changes.”

The snake wonders, “Like what?”

“If we’re going to be friends,” said the girl, “There are going to be conditions. I’m no fool. I’ll have to build up an immunity to your venom – not poison, so you know: I know the difference. We need an anti-venom. Hey, maybe we can sell your venom to a laboratory and make money.”

The snake tells the girl, “You sound smart.”

She tells it, “I am, just don’t bite anybody I don’t want you to.”

“Where would you be without me? A talking snake? You would be dead if I didn’t come around. Welcome to my world. We now have something called a social contract. Do you understand what that is?”

The snake asks her, “Tell me.”

“It means,” she says, “We have an unspoken commitment to cooperate with each other and make the world a better place. It means we don’t hurt each other. That’s how a civilized society works – if you have the capacity for speech, surely, you must understand that concept. Language is what separates us from just being animals.”

Then, to the snake, it seemed universal truth became revealed. The animal achieves enlightenment. It’s conscious fully awakes. “Yes,” it said. “It is so plain, it does not require hallucinogenics to see. I am more than my mere nature.”

That is when the snake and the progressive girl became friends. And they were bounded to each other all their lives, which was short on account snakes live only twenty years and this one had been mutilated at the cellular level with unthinkable modifications. And, oh yes, that snake did bite the brave girl, but when that happened, she was already immune.

END

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WOKE!

February 23, 2018

So you know, political ads filled with Republican Evangelism with soon start to appear, so just remember what you are looking at… Exodus 33: 17-34

exodus-33-17-34

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Princess and the Pee

January 30, 2018

Imagine President Trump has a new game show in the White House. He calls the televised production, ‘Princess and the Pea’. Everyone in his cabinet must participate – it’s a purity test. You see, Republicans love their purity tests (they tell us). The President of the United States describes his idea to the American people in a recorded message. “How it goes…”

“Get a hundred mattresses, nice, beautiful foam mattresses. Unbelievable.”

“Put those mattresses, all of them, on top of an illegal immigrant – a Middle Eastern refugee would be nice, but a Mexican will do. They come in the same colors. Actually, anybody anywhere south of the border is good. Stop at Brazil. I have friends in Brazil.”

“Once you get all those mattresses on top of the pea, I call it, the illegal immigrant, crawl on top. Get up there, Sarah.”

The president shouts up to his press secretary. “Lie down.”

He then whispers to the camera. “She’s good at this, I think she’ll be good.”

“If she can’t fall asleep because she feels an illegal immigrant is under her bed, she wins. She’s a real Republican.”

“You know who I think will know?” the president pondered aloud. “Stephen Miller will know, he’s good at this. He says he can smell them.”

“You know what? I believe him. I think he can. We, me and my team and I, we made him put his dirty underwear over his head and close his eyes and he could still point at Ben.”

 

 

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