Posts Tagged ‘Donald Trump’

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Remember Independence Day!

July 4, 2018

fourth2018

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President Trump Sings Marching Off To War

April 7, 2018

 

(fiction by Matthew Sawyer)

In fear of losing the support of his Evangelical conservative base, President Trump implores paid attendants at another of his more frequent Nuremberg rallies. He tells the audience, “Remember that old song from church – Onward Christian Soldiers?”

“You heard of that, right? That old song?”

“Onward Christian soldiers marching off to war… I’m not singing it. You can if you want.”

No one does sing, as those who think they know the lyrics were often uncertain of their own memory. The president smiles while pressing his lips together. He drones, “That was great. You heard of that, right?”

“What a beautiful song. People should listen to more songs like  that instead of watching the fake media.”

“Fake news.”

“Don’t listen to them, go to church instead.”

Some in the audience applaud; although, most who do so await a paycheck at the conclusion of this commonly spontaneous event.

“Onward Christian soldiers…”

“We should sing that song the next time we have a war.”

More than those just getting paid clap their hands. This encourages one fellow waiting for his money to issue a, “Whoop!”

The encouragement cues President Trump to say, “We need a war so we can sing that song.”

“What do you think?”

“China? Syria? North Korea?”

“Russia? No, not them.”

“Vlad is our friend.”

“Hillary sold uranium to Russia,” President Trump repeated. “Do you remember that?”

“Vlad knows the guy she sold it to.”

 

 

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The Incestual Search for White House Lawyers

March 28, 2018

trumpnulawyer

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Princess and the Pee

January 30, 2018

Imagine President Trump has a new game show in the White House. He calls the televised production, ‘Princess and the Pea’. Everyone in his cabinet must participate – it’s a purity test. You see, Republicans love their purity tests (they tell us). The President of the United States describes his idea to the American people in a recorded message. “How it goes…”

“Get a hundred mattresses, nice, beautiful foam mattresses. Unbelievable.”

“Put those mattresses, all of them, on top of an illegal immigrant – a Middle Eastern refugee would be nice, but a Mexican will do. They come in the same colors. Actually, anybody anywhere south of the border is good. Stop at Brazil. I have friends in Brazil.”

“Once you get all those mattresses on top of the pea, I call it, the illegal immigrant, crawl on top. Get up there, Sarah.”

The president shouts up to his press secretary. “Lie down.”

He then whispers to the camera. “She’s good at this, I think she’ll be good.”

“If she can’t fall asleep because she feels an illegal immigrant is under her bed, she wins. She’s a real Republican.”

“You know who I think will know?” the president pondered aloud. “Stephen Miller will know, he’s good at this. He says he can smell them.”

“You know what? I believe him. I think he can. We, me and my team and I, we made him put his dirty underwear over his head and close his eyes and he could still point at Ben.”

 

 

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A Consequence of Reflection

July 15, 2017

Who is more dangerous to you as an American citizen?

A president who lied to Congress about an extramarital affair.

– or –

A president who lies to America about colluding with an enemy state.

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The Sins of the One Outweigh the Faith of the Many

January 8, 2017

Many Americans ask what has become those rhetorical questions, “Why are Republicans pro-life? Why does the life a newborn take precedence over that of a mother? Why is abortion not an option even when the health and welfare of a child is questionable?”

We know that “pro-life” attitude only pertains up to the birth of a child. After then, they and their families are all on their own. But, why?

The answer is Biblical. It’s that commandment, “Thou shall not kill.” Breaking that commandment as well as any of the other nine sends someone’s soul the Hell.

But, surely, it would be the doctor who would pay that price, and maybe the mother, too. Let me borrow a tired euphemism of our new president and say, “Wrong!” Those Ten Commandments are in the Old Testament, written long before Jesus walked Creation in the flesh, before the promise of forgiveness through confession or grace through faith.

See, those commandments were then written by a wrathful god. That was when He (or to be fair, She) was still prone to flood the Earth.

Okay, God promised there would be no more floods. But, that one deluge was before Sodom and Gomorrah, so us mortals can’t be so trusting. Even then, He/She was still rash and not as omniscient as believers hope. God had to send an angel to investigate His/Her suspicion. And finding only one righteous soul in the city, He/She again brought destruction to the planet; a smaller devastation, to be sure, but still horrific.

So, despite a pretty rainbow and even Jesus, the distrustful faithful believe the wrath of God to this day is visited upon swaths of mortals for the sins of a few and even the one. That’s how paranoid those religious folks have become.

AIDS, 9-11, hurricanes, oil spills and droughts are modern evidence of situations in which God has lifted His/Her hand because He/She has become so disgusted with those made in His/Her image that only death quells His/Her rage. He/She used to get blood sacrifices but that was not always enough.

There is why women today are forced to give birth, why drug users are locked away instead of freed on their own recognizance, and homosexuality is disdained. It’s not just an individual’s soul that is seen at risk, rather the country itself. Because despite the love and patience of Jesus, our savior still has an angry dad/mom.

(Hell, inferring God may be a woman probably pisses Him off. Blame the opioid epidemic and shrinking middle class on that. And give Him the blood a goat, for Christ’s sake. Maybe that will help Him chill.)

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The Heartbeats of America Are Yet Votes

August 31, 2016

Citizens growl, “Make America great again.”
I stand firm and claim, “America is great.”
Answering those who shout, “What makes America great,”
I ask “What is America?”
“What had a Founding Father to say?”
“What is this great country we have today?”
“A Republic, if you can keep it,”
Benjamin Franklin stated then,
At the dawn of a nation
And ever near an end.

– Matthew Sawyer

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