Posts Tagged ‘Mr. Binger’


Eulogy to the Enemy

March 11, 2018

I hope he suffered when he died.

I hope he suffered all his life.

I hope his kids hated him.

I hope his wife made the man a cuckold.

And if none of this happened,

It is the hell he deserves.

I hope he suffers for all eternity,

If there is a god,

Who wishes our souls preserved.


– Mr. Binger




A Song For the Death of Children

March 2, 2018

I met a people who prepared themselves for the end of everything. Everyone I spoke to told me, “All the adults will be sorted first,” and they will go to heaven or hell. There, they will await their families, for sin and forgiveness were inherited because of surnames.

“We know our children will die,” many had said to me. “They will be alone, for we will have perished. Each one will die by themselves, so we taught all our children a nursery rhyme. They might sing in our voices while they wait. Our children might sing to themselves before they die…”

“One, two, three and four.

 The kingdom of God is at your door.

 Close your eyes,

 Be at peace.

 Go home with our Lord.

 Go to sleep.”

“How will the children die,” I wondered. “How will everyone die?”

“Horribly,” their preacher said.

“There will be nothing of you,” the clergy says, “Nothing left but your last breath.”

“That’s why the verses are so short.”


– Matthew Sawyer



What Happened To You?

February 28, 2018

It starts fine. it’s all okay.

Then the pants come off,

And it’s, “Where did these spiders come from?”

“They’re not a part of you. They’re coming off of you!”

“I mean, they’re coming out of you.”

– Mr. Binger



A Progressive Girl and a Snake

February 24, 2018

I have heard this “classic” American folk story too many times. The first time I heard ‘Girl and the Snake’, by the way, was in a church service. I was about ten. Back then, I chuckled because I was a sadistic child and because everyone laughed. But I have grown, I got myself educated. And so, too, has the innuendo of the cruel tale gotten old. It now has fangs, thanks to America’s Pretender-Of-The-United-States. Because of this liar, the country is all a shame. Since I am now a responsible adult, I take it upon myself to renovate an ugly and stale yarn. Voters, themselves, in 2018 and 2020 will have to restore honor to our nation. – Matthew Sawyer (AKA Mr. Binger)


A Progressive Girl and a Snake

A college-educated Black woman walks to her grandmother’s home and she hears leaves rustle beside her foot. Before she jumps away, a snake speaks her. It’s thoughts fill her head with a southern drawl of American English. The reptile says, “Help me, it’s so cold. I will freeze to death”

“It’s not that cold,” the girl inadvertently replied aloud. She was not, at first, willing to play games nor be suckered into a practical joke. Everything seemed too real. The diamond-shaped pattern on it’s skin suggested this was a rattlesnake.

Remembering scripture the young lady had put aside long ago with all childish things, she tells the snake, “The only talking reptile I know about is the devil in the Bible. I don’t believe in all of that.”

“Anyway, you’re lips aren’t moving – just that pointy little tongue. You’re talking to me in my head.”

“You might be hallucinating,” replied the snake.

She tells it, “I don’t use drugs.”

“Maybe, I’m a scientific experiment,” answered the snake. “I am the genetically enhanced step in evolution.”

“All right,” said the girl. “I suppose someone is looking for you.”

“That, too,” the snake shouted with thoughts. “Please, take me with you. I’m in trouble for my life. They want to perform experiments on me!”

“All right,” she said yet reluctant. “I’m, uh, gonna use a stick and pick you up. I don’t want to get bit.”

“That’s fair, I understand,” the snake pretended to say. Carried along as if resting on tree branch, the snake tells the girl, “Thank you, you are my first human friend. I promise I would never bite you.”

“Don’t say things like that,” she said to the snake. “That’s just a lie.”

“Where are you taking me?” suddenly wondered the snake. The reptile shivered in discomfort that was not related to the weather.

“I gonna show you to my friends. Maybe, we can put some corks on your fangs.”

“What?” shouted the snake which now squirmed.

“We can’t cut them off,” promised the grinning girl. “That would be cruel. Nah, I’m just kidding.”

“I hope so,” pleaded the snake. “Will you still help me hide from the government?”

“Sure,” she said, “But there has got to be some changes.”

The snake wonders, “Like what?”

“If we’re going to be friends,” said the girl, “There are going to be conditions. I’m no fool. I’ll have to build up an immunity to your venom – not poison, so you know: I know the difference. We need an anti-venom. Hey, maybe we can sell your venom to a laboratory and make money.”

The snake tells the girl, “You sound smart.”

She tells it, “I am, just don’t bite anybody I don’t want you to.”

“Where would you be without me? A talking snake? You would be dead if I didn’t come around. Welcome to my world. We now have something called a social contract. Do you understand what that is?”

The snake asks her, “Tell me.”

“It means,” she says, “We have an unspoken commitment to cooperate with each other and make the world a better place. It means we don’t hurt each other. That’s how a civilized society works – if you have the capacity for speech, surely, you must understand that concept. Language is what separates us from just being animals.”

Then, to the snake, it seemed universal truth became revealed. The animal achieves enlightenment. It’s conscious fully awakes. “Yes,” it said. “It is so plain, it does not require hallucinogenics to see. I am more than my mere nature.”

That is when the snake and the progressive girl became friends. And they were bounded to each other all their lives, which was short on account snakes live only twenty years and this one had been mutilated at the cellular level with unthinkable modifications. And, oh yes, that snake did bite the brave girl, but when that happened, she was already immune.



The Town of This Many Years Old

February 22, 2018

“I am from the town of this-many-years-old,” Mr. Binger claimed. “I have a friend who will eat things you wouldn’t put in a dog’s butt.”

“Now, I am not advocating inserting anything into any dog’s anus, I’m saying, strange things come from a dog’s butt. People put them there… suppositories, colonoscopy scopes; ordinary stuff, I suppose.”

“Let’s see what we have here,” Mr. Binger said producing a paisley carpet bag, there on stage. From which, the short man produces a miniaturized model of an airplane, a hollow ping pong ball and a plastic army figure, among other unrelated small objects.

“All this stuff came from dog butts.”

Mr. Binger says as if he changes his mind, “Let’s not talk about that.”

“What does my friend eat?” he asked an invisible audience.

“Well,” he claimed and gestures at the miscellany before him on the floor.

“I would never put this stuff in my mouth,” Mr. Binger iterated. “I guess a dog would. My friend did; he would after it came out of a canine.”

“But, we’re not talking about him.”

“I guess these can things look edible, but I’ve never asked. It’s not something I wonder about. I think it’s all about a mental illness called coprophilia.”

Mr. Binger interrupts himself. “That’s what it’s called in the DSM-IV, that’s a manual of mental disorders; Psychiatrists use it. Someone educated in the audience will inevitably say, ‘Uh-huh, the disorder is called something different, and there is now a DSM-V’.”

“I don’t think dogs know. I mean, do dogs know what food looks like, or do they swallow anything that looks pretty? Do they consume the visual arts? It is probable.”

“Maybe they think an open can of beef stew looks like the Mona Lisa.”

“They could believe they’re giving a precious little thing a home. It won’t crawl up there by itself, so our gregarious little companion must first gulp it down.”

“And that would be the end of that, until it came back around.”


Fondness of Monsters

February 2, 2018

Because I’m someone with a life-long fondness for monsters, I imagine someone might ask, “Why, then, do you like ordinary sparrows?”

“Well,” I tell my imaginary inquirer, “I like when they come for breakfast, and they wait for me on the stairs all bunched together.”

I know the birds instinctively approach big creatures in groups. They try to look big, but mine come together to no larger than a cat sprawled upon a stairwell – a feathered cat with a dozen beady eyes and half as many sharp beaks. It’s adorable.



Reflection Upon 50

February 1, 2018

In an unguarded occasion, I reflect upon my selfish achievements at the age of 50

1. I am alive! Seriously, I tend to jump before I look only because I get bored.
2. I still have my hair, and that was an anxious fear.
3. I’m not fat! Sure, I’m twenty pounds overweight, but I’m so happy I can still feel firm abs under my skin. Some guys walk around their whole fat lives carrying extra weight like a tumorous dead baby.
4. I am in perfect health, tremendous, believe me – perfect BP, pulse, no diseases nor cancers, etc.
5. I’m not stuck in my hometown. Sure, I don’t go anywhere, but its not like there is nowhere to go.
6. I have a hybrid vehicle, but thanks to the oil industry, that’s as far into the future I’ll ever live.
7. YouTube – there have been so, so many musical artists, new and old, that I discovered through videos (I grew up on original MTV, so seeing the artist or some visual interpretation makes all the difference to me. It never matters how they look, only that I see them).
8. Marijuana – it’s not like alcohol, nor narcotics, but rather an anti-depressant without the suicidal-thoughts side affect.
9. Writing. It comes just as my near sight goes, but in my stories, I can finish the narratives I began with my paintings and drawings.
10. I live in the endless summer of Southern California. Climate change has raised the temperature, but I do like hot days (I don’t have the insulation for temperatures below freezing, never have. I suffered throughout winters in Wisconsin skeletally thin).

And there is grief

1. Jowls, yeah, I’ve always had a weak chin, but age has really shown how ruthless it can be.
2. Dead friends and family – time has healed nothing.
3. Faith in others, as much as I’ve disappointed everyone, you have all let me down. C’est la vie, believe in yourself.
4. No Apocalypse, no god, nor angels, nor tiny asexual faeries with strong heterosexual tendencies.
5. Arthritis in my fingers and knees – the constant swelling is probably because those joints are overworked, but they’re not getting better with rest, not anymore.
6. Art is dead, an illusion created by the wealthy before they began pouring their wealth into politics.
7. America is an oligarchy, justice is tentative.
8. Kids are dumber, but not because they lack broad spectrums of fact, but rather they don’t know HOW to think. There is something called the scientific method that, like it or not, was created by a man. Grow up (as in “Get more diverse, you bore me, kids”).
9. Social Justice Warriors, radical feminists, Republicans, Democrats…
10. The one-sided class war waged against the middle class by the 1% and the corporations of one overpaid employee.


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